Whip It Out Wednesday: Brad Garrett

Speaking of class and elegance...



Now, as a celebrity photographer, let me explain something to the unknowing public: there is a HUGE difference between celebrity photographers and paparazzi.

Celebrity photographers have established, professional relationships with publicists, movie studios, music industry insiders, and even celebrities themselves. They are often invited to red-carpet events, concerts, and other fun outings to get exclusive photos for their respective press outlets. They are often on a first-name basis with several people in the entertainment field, and though their photos don't make untold amounts of money (on average, my photos make $100 each in the American market; a little higher in the European market due to the strength of the Euro. There are exceptions, of course, such as a 1/2 page photo that sold for $1,000, but for the most part, $100 is the magic number), they have amassed enough of a stock to continually collect residual checks, and make a decent living in doing so.

Paparazzi, on the other hand, are ALSO on a first-name basis with people...but for entirely different (and uncomplimentary) reasons. Paparazzi are the kind of photographers that toe the line of the law by stalking, harassing, and cat-calling their subjects, and who show no regard for the privacy of their children and/or other, non-famous family members. Yes, their photos make ridiculous amounts of money (the photographer who took the first upskirt shot of an underwearless Britney Spears made my mortgage payoff amount), but they're often at the receiving end of countless lawsuits, and never have I seen a paparazzo live in a house and/or apartment worth any sort of value.

But while I agree with Brad Garrett's assessment of paparazzi not having a "real" job, you have to laugh when you hear a "celebrity" (term used loosely in this case) complain about photographers not having a "real" job. Well, boo-freaking-hoo, Brad: first of all, you should be grateful people care about you to begin with. Second, your residual checks from Everybody Loves Raymond alone are enough to keep you comfortably for the rest of your natural life.

And what, precisely, is it that you do that's worthy of being called a "real" job? You "act" like Herman Munster? Puh-leeze.

Whip it Out Wednesday: Sir Roger Moore

In honor of last night's Quantum of Solace benefit premiere, featuring Daniel Craig and his diamond-cutting blue eyes, let us pause and revel in the class and elegance that is Sir Roger Moore, the second James Bond, who may be older than God (OK, older than Jesus) but still exudes British charm.

Right.
Now that we're done with that...

At the London premiere of Quantum of Solace, Moore told Reuters that he was distressed with the "violent" turn that the 007 franchise has taken. (Was he expecting a Care Bears movie?)

“I am happy to have done it, but I’m sad that it has turned so violent,” Moore said.

He recalled being appalled at the violence in “A View to a Kill,” the 1985 movie which was the last of the seven in which he played Bond. “That wasn’t Bond,” he said.

While making “The Man With the Golden Gun,” director Guy Hamilton wanted Bond to be tougher and had him threaten to break Maud Adams’ character’s arm to get information, he writes. “That sort of characterization didn’t sit well with me, but Guy was keen to make my Bond a little more ruthless.

“I suggested my Bond would have charmed the information out of her by bedding her first. My Bond was a lover and a giggler, but I went along with Guy,” the British actor said.

Moore perfectly illustrates a common sentiment in Hollywood: it seems to be perfectly OK to depict mind-blowing (literally, mind-blowing) violence with illegal automatic weapons and no remorse or repercussions (Quantum of Solace is rated PG-13), but Gods forbid a woman takes her bra off...well, instant outcry and "R" rating! (And you'll sooner get hit by lightning than see a full-frontal male scene with a PG-13 rating)

Still, Moore makes an interesting observation: Sean Connery is viewed as the quintessential James Bond (it's the brogue, methinks) because anyone can see the tempered rage stewing just beneath the surface. Daniel Craig was accepted by Bond fans nearly immediately because he, like Connery, has the presence of cold-rolled steel (and those eyes, dear Gods!). Even Pierce Brosnan, the most recent Bond, had an air of a quiet storm. But Timothy Dalton's Bond was forgettable, mostly because he was so bland, and only the staunchest Bond fan will know the words "George Lazenby."

One look at Moore's Bond, however, and you can instantly see the template which Michael Meyers used for Austin Powers. Oy.

But never let it be said that Roger Moore is ungracious. Of Daniel Craig, Moore said, “Daniel has done one Bond and he was in ‘Munich’ and … he’s done a lot of stuff, but his face, after one Bond film, that’s all he needs. He is Bond.”

Whip It Out Wednesday: Willie The Parrot

Stories like these put a rainbow in my otherwise cold, black heart...

Meet Willie the Parrot. His owner, Meagan, was baby-sitting two-year-old Hannah, when Hannah began choking on a Pop-Tart (I know, I wondered how too...).

Willie the Parrot, upon seeing this, starting flapping his wings and repeating, "Mama! Baby!" over and over again.

"While I was in the bathroom, Willie (the parrot) started screaming like I'd never heard him scream before and he started flapping his wings," said Meagan. "Then he started saying 'mama baby' over and over and over again until I came out and looked at Hannah and Hannah's face was turning blue because she was choking on her pop tart."

Fortunately, Meagan was able to rescue the toddler using the Heimlich maneuver.

"If anything happened to her, I don't know what I would do," said Samantha Kuusk, Hannah's mother. "I'm very grateful for the both of them because they both saved her."

Whip It Out Wednesday: Barack Obama

On this, the first ever Whip it out Wednesday, I'm proud to feature our new President, Barack Obama.

Our new President will be a great leader...because he is all the things other people claim to be. He doesn't have to tell the world he's a good father...he simply is. He doesn't have to tell the world he's an intelligent man...he simply is.

Barack Obama symbolizes so many things to so many people, both here and around the world: this country (such as we know it; we could have a very lengthy discussion about the legitimacy of our occupation of the Native American lands, but for purposes of this conversation we'll simply accept that we're Americans) brought Africans here in chains, denied them the right to vote until 150 years ago, and still -- to this day -- has Ku Klux Klan members squealing about "white power." With Obama's election, we finally took the first step to putting all these embarrassing people on the road to extinction. In the eyes of the world, the United States has finally grown up. And though that may not mean anything to the wife-beating, cross-burning racists currently living in this country, in their double-wide trailers, I take comfort in knowing that they're a dying breed and a very small minority of the population.

To Michael Moore, Barack Obama symbolizes the triumph of intelligence. (Yeah, imagine that: a President who went to an Ivy League school...ON HIS OWN INTELLIGENCE, NOT ON HIS DADDY'S COAT-TAILS. A President who graduated said school in the TOP five percent of his class...NOT FIFTH FROM THE BOTTOM. Hell, a President who can actually SAY "nuclear" and "strategy" and won't hold My Pet Goat upside down while reading to kids!)

"Today, we celebrate this triumph of decency over personal attack, of peace over war, of intelligence over a belief that Adam and Eve rode around on dinosaurs just 6,000 years ago," said Moore. "What will it be like to have a smart president? Science, banished for eight years, will return. Imagine supporting our country's greatest minds as they seek to cure illness, discover new forms of energy, and work to save the planet."

Moses Avalon, the respected music industry mogul, thinks that the election of Barack Obama signals the rebirth of the impossible dream. "Forget all the opinion polls of the last four years, skewed and spun for a nation hemorrhaging in so many ways. This is the only poll that matters. The People have spoken. "Enough" is the word. "Get out" is the word," said Avalon. "Tomorrow we will wake up in a world with a new kind of President. One who beat the odds and beat the prejudice. It gives me pause to think what will be possible in the coming years. No idea will be too crazy or too idealistic. We will need to be careful, but as of tomorrow we once again live in the world of dreams."


For me, the election of Barack Obama is a lot like the ending of Return of the Jedi: a small, understated group of rebels, with nothing to back them but their belief in the goodness of people and the wrongness of their quasi-fascist war machine and all its evil constructs (including its evil leader (Cheney) and his patsy (Bush)), toppled a seemingly-limitless regime. Hell, even the celebrations in the streets were remarkably similar (and judging from the feedback on sci-fi boards, I'm not the only one who thinks so).

Clip below:


Regardless of who you voted for -- and though I voted for Obama, I have to say that McCain gave a truly classy concession speech (would it be that his supporters showed that same dignity. The Obama supporters CHEERED McCain, while the McCain supporters BOOED Obama. Even McCain, for all that he ran a dirty campaign, seemed embarrassed by, and for, them) -- you have to admit this was truly a monumental, historic moment. And that, alone, makes Barack Obama worthy of today's ogling.