Mother of the Year: Shauna Sand-Lamas

Shauna Sand-Lamas, ex-wife of Falcon Crest star Lorenzo Lamas, should really write a book on how to be the perfect mother. Lynne Spears & Dina Lohan have nothing on this woman!

In the video above, Shauna tells TMZ that Playboy has been a big part of her family. Shauna said she's been taking her daughters to the Playboy mansion since they were 4 (and where was Hef in all this?! Yeah, we know -- in the grotto...). Shauna then turned to her 9-year-old daughter and said, "Do you want to be in Playboy?? Rip the Mother of the Century trophy out of OctoCrazy's slimy hands, because we have ourselves a new winner!

If you're a mother and you have dreams of your daughter spread eagle in the pages of Playboy, then you need to go down to the doctor and ask for a jumbo shot of mother's intuition. Or just ask for a shot in the head, period.

Shauna's little daughter's sarcastic response was, "Yeah, a little girl in a magazine with stripper shoes and a bathing suit." Ha!

Miss Why So Classy? February 2009

Now, why is Tamara from I Love Money 2 deserve this month's Miss Why So Classy? Award?

Let's start with a quote: "I'm afraid of water. Um. Maybe I shouldn't get a houseboat then."

That was just one of the many beautiful gems that came out of Tamara's echo chamber head during last night's I Love Money 2. This is the kind of moron we could all use as a friend. She will make anyone feel like the president of Mensa! And she would be so much fun at parties! I bet if you tied a sock around her waist, she'd fall over! If you put a piece of scotch tape on her nose, she'd spend hours trying to get it off. If you asked her what the capital of Los Angeles was, smoke would start to float out of her ears. I love her!

Tamara's genius started when she said that if she won the money, she'd buy a houseboat and park it in the ocean. But then she suddenly realized that she was afraid of water, so maybe living on a houseboat wasn't such a good thing. Stupidity like this is a God-given gift!

Tamara's greatest moment came when she (SPOILER ALERT) lost an arm-wrestling match and had to leave the show. In Tamara's defense, there was no way she going to win that match when she's on a permanent 15-second delay. After she lost, Tamara's balloon head almost popped. She flipped out and yelled at the crew, "You have no hearts and no souls! You should be ashamed of yourselves for exploiting these stupid idiots!" The crew totally shrugged and mumbled, "Yeah, so? When do we eat?!"

And she also screamed that she's a winner who has been on 50 magazine covers! Um. Tamara. You know that those "magazine covers" you shot at a Six Flags photo booth aren't real?! Yeah, we shouldn't burst her bubble head.

Tamara's meltdown actually surprised me. I'm impressed that she knows that many words. I figured she was operating on a 12-word vocabulary.

After she got tired from overusing her one brain cell, Tamara stormed out...the wrong door. HA! If Chrissy Snow was a Midwestern lot lizard who was addicted to Purple Drank, her name would be Tamara. Seriously, get Miss Why So Classy? February 2009 her own show called Are You Smarter Than Tamara?! Everyone is a winner! Even inanimate objects!

Miss Why So Classy -- January 2009

I know I mentioned her before, but she's just so classy that she's earned the first-ever, bound to be immortal, Miss Why So Classy Award!

Once a month, I will suss through the troughs of trash-tastic television to find the few rare truffles such as these...and think of the marketing opportunities! The calendars! The spreads! The sponsorships! Fame, fortune, and stardom, all await you, my crown princesses!

This elegant creature was born Nikki Shamdassani. She also goes by DJ Lady Tribe and La Loka. According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, she was a graffiti artist in Los Angeles, but went to jail too many times for it (nothing like suffering for your art), so she decided to become a DJ instead.

And now Nikki La Vida Loca is a national treasure for doing a shot from a test tube sticking out of another chick's PEREREICA on Rock of Love Bus.

Why did I pick her, so early in the month?
Well, look at her, really.
But what really sold me was her picture with Dakota Fanning on her MySpace site.

Seriously, it writes itself.

Congratulations, Nikki La Vida Loca -- you are Miss Why So Classy for the month of January!