Why So Classy? :: Megan Hauserman

Megan Hauserman needs to realize that if she's going to be on a Vh1 reality show, she's either going to get her butt kicked (if she's lucky) or she's going to catch some mutant strain of VD. More than that: you should know, as a person, that you don't mess with someone's family, especially someone who can answer the question, "You and what army?"

That's why Megan shouldn't be shocked that Sharon Osbourne poured wine on her head and yanked at her skanky weave after she called Ozzy "brain dead." The brawl went down on the Rock of Love: Charm School reunion show a little while ago and now Megan is suing over it.

TMZ says Megan filed the lawsuit yesterday in L.A. County Superior Court. Megan is suing for "for battery, negligence and infliction of emotional distress."

Emotional distress?! Battery? This is coming from someone who kissed Bret Michaels and probably peeked under under his bandana. If that doesn't scar you for life, I don't know what does.

Michael Jackson SUED!

Hey, we have to stimulate the economy somehow...

John Landis - the genius behind the Thriller music video - is suing for the 50% of the profits owed to him over the past 4 years.

Back in 1983, Landis' people entered into a contract with Jackson's people, granting Landis 50% of profits earned from the video.

Landis says that Jackson - or whoever is running his troubled finances - has failed to "provide any accounting of the Thriller profits for the past four years 'and earlier', and failing to pay Landis his 50 percent cut of the net proceeds."

The most troubling aspect of the case, however, is that there doesn't seem to be anyone in charge of the crumbling King of Pop's Financial Kingdom, except for a "mysterious Los Angeles physician" named Tohme Tohme.