When lip service to some mysterious deity permits bestiality on Wednesday and absolution on Sunday, cash me out. ~Frank Sinatra
Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect. ~Steve Rushin
I'm not funny. What I am is brave. ~Lucille Ball
Mother knows breast. ~Author Unknown
When you say that you agree with a thing in principle you mean that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice. ~Otto von Bismarck
A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. ~Jean de La Fontaine
Angels are direct creations of God, each one a unique Master's piece. ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994
Sunday school: a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. ~H.L. Mencken
If I were Opportunity, I wouldn't just knock, you'd have to sign. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her. ~Erma Bombeck
We didn't starve, but we didn't eat chicken unless we were sick, or the chicken was. ~Bernard Malamud
Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~Author Unknown
Time is a physician that heals every grief. ~Diphilus
You can't wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug. ~Author Unknown
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~Author Unknown
We shall be inclined to pronounce the voyage that led to the way to this New World as the most epoch-making event of all that have occurred since the birth of Christ. ~John Fiske
A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution. ~Hazel Nicholson
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. ~George Bernard Shaw
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite! ~Walter Winchell
Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. ~Author Unknown
Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination. ~Ernest Hemingway, Men at War, 1942
True contentment depends not upon what we have; a tub was large enough for Diogenes, but a world was too little for Alexander. ~Charles Caleb Colton
Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween everyday. ~Gwen Stefani
I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, "Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?" I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: "Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?" My mom would always say, "Every day is Kid's Day." To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner? ~Rob Nash
