Are You in an Addictive Relationship?
By Jim Moustakas
If you are in an addictive relationship, you will know first-hand the misery and pain that ensues. You may have feelings of guilt and regret and these emotions may also be tinged with anger, bitterness and a deep sense of sadness.
Addictive relationships are a destructive force that will grow worse with time. Admitting to yourself that your partnership is not what it should be may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but it's an important step forward even so. An addictive relationship breeds stress and this will continue to escalate for as long as the connection does not satisfy your needs. Not feeling loved or cared for will make you feel unworthy and this is demoralising, it can drain your self esteem and your energy and make you feel desperate for warmth and affection.
Addictive relationships are not rare; sadly many men and women fall into this obsessive love trap. There could be many reasons why you have developed this type of addiction, perhaps you have observed your parents behaviour when young and considered these traits as normal, even if logically you know that they were not. Equally, if as a child you were lacking in love and affection, it can make you feel that it is normal to be neglected in your own relationship.
Facing up to your situation is vital if you are going to be able to make positive changes. Denial is common but it takes an integral honesty before you will be able to move on and improve your life. If you are really not sure whether you are in an addictive relationship or not, consider the following:
- Do you make excuses for your partner's behaviour?
- Do you cover up your partner's bad behaviour to others?
If you answered yes, then it is likely that your relationship is addictive. Addictions are powerful and wrap an emotional hold around you holding you hostage. Speaking out is a good starting point, confiding in others, sharing your story with friends or family if possible but if you find it difficult to talk to those you know, contact a relationship counsellor and ask for help.
Sometimes fear keeps you in check, fear of never finding someone else to love, fear of starting life afresh, fear of attracting the same type of partner or a fear of being alone. It might seem that even a bad relationship is better than being alone, but this is not the case. Initially, it may seem terrifying but as you adapt to life outside of a destructive relationship, you can start to rebuild your confidence and self esteem.
The most important aspect of emotional addiction recovery is that you make yourself a priority and this means investing some time and care into breaking away from all the old negative habits. Think about any of your previous relationships and look for signs of emotional abuse and dependency. Do you see a pattern forming? Enduring an addictive relationship for any period of time can be soul destroying, but by focussing on your own needs going forward, you will be able to release those negative chains. Seeking love from those who are unable to give it is a pointless exercise, you have to take control over you and your environment and only then can you break the addictive relationship pattern and start again.
Jim Moustakas is the CEO of My Life Assistant Pty Ltd an online counseling and life coaching interactive platform. My Life Assistant provides a live 24 hour counseling or coaching service by qualified counselors, psychologists and life coaches from around the world. To get full access now please visit http://www.mylifeassistant.com/SignUp.aspx select whether you are a general user or a therapist and get started right away.
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